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Decade Over My Left Shoulder

It’s hard to take a reflective look at one’s life, thinking of the things that needed and didn’t need said, things not done and needing doing. I get so busy, that I forget to just be.

I started the decade in Columbus, Ohio, where a 10-year stint at a radio station came to an abrupt end when they switched formats, and then it was off to another station doing the morning show in the basement of an old mansion. The signal was powered by gerbils running on a treadmill, but I tried, we tried to make it work. I love Columbus, it’s a great town with excellent music and people, but when my new employer didn’t offer health insurance, I knew I had to find something better. Then an old boss called and offered me a position here, in San Antonio, Tx.

I’d been in San Antonio years before, studying Jazz guitar, loved the city, the flavor and culture, so I sold my house in Columbus, said good-bye to trusted friends and began a new journey. As a musician and radio personality, one gets use to not having roots, we go where the work is, hang our hat and hope to stay.

I worked hard at Magic 105.3, moving my way up from afternoon drive to the morning show, trying to climb the corporate ladder, worked long hours, gave it my best and loved every minute. I wanted to become the Program Director, but when the new GM said to me, that I should keep putting my hand up and maybe one day…well, I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

Then on my first day of vacation in 2012, I got a call, telling me that I was being let go, along with a lot of other folks. No “Thank You”, nothing more than being let go.

I was flabbergasted, stunned into an awkward time of my life. My health insurance was cut off immediately, my identity denied.

So, I left to go to Dubai to help a sick friend, thought it would be a good change for me, just to get out and regroup. Dubai is like Las Vegas on steroids, fancy to the eye, sad to the heart when you see how the city is built upon the back of underpaid workers.

I spent about 9 months there, when my heart called me back to the states. I got a job in Lubbock, Texas as the Program Director for two stations, it turned out to be a really bad decision on my part, so I packed the U-Haul and headed back to San Antonio.

I didn’t have a home, but did have a friend who opened her heart and home to me and there I stayed, again regrouping, always regrouping.

I decided that I didn’t want to leave, so I started looking for a job. I applied, spent hour after hour on-line, sending in resumes, making calls, interviewing and nothing happened. In that year, I had 5 different jobs, just trying to pay the bills, to keep a roof over my heard and food in the cat dish. I use to say if my world fell apart, that I would get a job at Lowes, but even they wouldn’t hire me.

My Dubai friend, who sadly had passed, had always pushed me to teach music, I’d done it before, but for some reason, I hesitated. But, in the back of my mind, I kept hearing her pushing me.

I think what was holding me back was the loss of identity. It may seem silly, but I had grown use to being “Katrina Curtiss on the Radio”. All of a sudden I was just me, and it simply did not seem enough.

I spend time with a life coach, who said, “Honey, you’ve lost your identity, it’s okay to be lost”. Funny how you have to pay a stranger to give you permission to be exactly where you are. She also said. “You’re in the 3rdact of your life, so whatever you want to do, you best get to it”. I think these words are some of the wisest ever shared with me.

So, I started teaching guitar again, making sure that I was prepared. I spend hours upon hours studying teaching techniques, styles and methods. I still do this, daily, because I believe I have to earn my student’s trust.

And that brings me to this moment in time,  I share my knowledge, experience and dreams with students and friends and my life is full of gratitude and humility.

In conclusion, the past decade brought me loss of one identity and the brilliance of a new one. Seems, if one can patiently wait in the hallway of life, another door always opens, it’s the waiting that is takes courage and faith.

Today’s  Musing: Fear and Faith cannot exist at the same time ~ choose faith

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