I worked all my life, starting at 17, always someplace to go, someone to be. About a year ago, I decided to get off the treadmill and try life at a different pace.
I have to admit while working full-time, I was never good at playing, “The Game”, you know the one, where you are part of a team. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong team player, but when it comes to getting together in my off time, I’ve always struggled. “Let’s have a Karaoke night, a Halloween Costume Contest, an off site get together.” I’ve always felt that my off time, is just that, my time to be off with my self.
I’d much rather tend to my job than socialize, not a great trait for some work places. I remember saying to my boss, “I can go play the staff game, or get my work done, your choice.” most times, I’d get my work done.
I suspect that I’m an introvert on many levels, preferring to nest over networking. Which surprises me, as my entire life’s work has been before an audience, striving for ratings, seeking approval.
It makes me wonder about what has driven me, continues to drive me without relent, what’s the point?
I delivered Singing Telegrams in Akron, Ohio for a couple years. The characters I portrayed were: A singing gorilla, giant chicken, hopping frog, police officer and my specialty, Mae West. What drives a person to drive all over the city, dressed in costume, burst into a room and do a song and dance?
My fondest memory is dressing up as Frosty The Snowman, tripping over a door jam, rolling down a hill, where my costume head went one direction, me the other, with dozens of kids screaming in terror at the bottom of the hill.
I worked in radio for 23 years; spend hours alone, in a room, speaking to thousands of strangers for hours a day. Then trot off to do live remotes at places where, again, I’d do a song and dance to increase revenue.
I’ve been on stage with some of the greats, Tommy James & The Shondells, Diana Ross, Joan Jett, Little Richard, introducing them to their fans, working the audience into a frenzy to help make their shows memorable.
I remember when a fellow performer at a nightclub, told me that I worked too hard. But something inside always told me to try, try harder, be better. Reach out touch someone, make a difference.
I think it boils down to being overly concerned about how other’s viewed me, morphing myself into what fit their perception when I was on their dime.
It really used to bother me when people would ask my friends, “Is she always like this?” It embarrassed me, until one friend replied, “Yes, isn’t she wonderful!”
Nowadays, I’m much more relaxed, accepting of who I am, less concerned about what other’s expect, more concerned with being authentic, less concerned with the point.
Old habits are hard to break, at times, I find myself in that “entertainment” mode, but try to save it for times when I’m actually entertaining, no longer for chance encounters. For every strength there is a weakness, being “on” all the time, can really turn people “off.” I’ve lived in envy of the quiet souls, the listeners and observers, who seem so at peace with just being. It wasn’t until I studied Vipassana Meditation on a mountain in Nepal that I first met my silent self; 10 days of Noble Silence will do that to a girl.
I used to think I was a book with all the answers, but have realized that most of my pages are blank, awaiting enlightenment. Each day, a new story, each person a new chapter, some shorter than others, but each deserves reading before being placed upon a shelf.
The Point? Well, I use to have a point in every direction, which is like having no point at all. So on days where I feel pointless, all things are possible.
I highly recommend an old movie called: “The Point” @ https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x23dchh check it out, it helped me see life differently.
Have you seen a movie that changed your perspective? If so, please share.
Today’s Musing: “You see what you want to see, you hear what you want to hear” ~ The Point